Week 7, Day 2

Yesterday I started the 7th week of this lovely treatment. The effects are now decidedly getting worse but not so bad that I can't function. Mostly I do stupid stuff like almost crash into a curve or drive somewhere and not know why I drove there in the first place. The funniest one was one day while I was daydreaming about going back to yoga, next thing I know I'm in front of the yoga studio and I have no idea how I got there. It's kinda scary, kinda weird, kinda funny. You gotta laugh otherwise they'd be a lot of crying...
I am also super tired lately. I am sure is the blood chemistry doing what it's supposed to. The drug kills the bad cells in the body but in the process it also kills a lot of the good. All the rapidly developing cells are the first ones to die (red blood cells/white cells sometimes eye nerve cells and *gulp* hair cells ). I haven't yet lost any hair, thankfully but I know it's probably going to come... Funny that I'm more worried about being bald than blind. There's a saying that goes "Primero muerta que sencilla", "rather be dead than humble". As long as I still feel that way I know I haven't lost my "joie the vivre"
I am trying to take it one day at a time but I can't help but think that at the time where I hit UND (undetected) there will be 44 to 48 weeks added to the treatment. So even if I were to be UND on my next viral load test, I'd still have 11 months more to go. A lot of people go through 72 or even 96 weeks of treatment so I won't complain. All I want is this thing out of me. I'm working hard at it. I'm putting all my effort into getting cured...
I've decided I'm going to start meditation since right now prayer is not something I have my heart into. I've also decided I will start going back to yoga. I did my first class in 8 weeks today.
I gotta say I'm still in pretty good shape but there were a couple of times I did want to return my breakfast. Nausea and all, I love how alive yoga makes me feel so I think I'm going to suck up the nausea and continue building my practice.

Well, that's it for my little cheesy gordita (youngest child) is up and we're about to go see some firetrucks and other fun stuff for my big tamale (oldest child). Loves his cars!

Week 6, Day 1

Today marks my 6th week on treatment. It's hard to believe I've been at this for 5 weeks already. It feels like it's gone by so quickly. It's such a blur. This past week has been really hard emotionally and physically. My oldest child had been sick last week with Hand Foot and Mouth disease running a fever. Fevers sometimes lead to seizures to the household was tense all last week hoping to avoid a seizure. So I've barely had time to think about my own side effects. Until yesterday...

I had my 4 week labs drawn a week ago which means I would see if the Infergen is working or not. I had a checkup with the nurse practitioner yesterday. We were the first appointment of the day which was great. They usher us in and we were waiting for only about 5 minutes when the Nurse comes in. She asks how I'm doing. I burst into tears. I didn't know where that came from. I couldn't stop crying. There are so many things going on right now and have nothing to do with my illness that it just felt like too much. She offered me an anti depressant. I respectfully declined. I think having both your children have challenges can make ANYONE burst into tears. Let alone someone who's injecting poison into her body every day.
The nurse was really really caring and understanding. We then moved on to my results. So here it is:
Starting Viral Load 995,000 IU/ml
8/6/2010 21,827 IU/ml
Yep, that's a decrease of 1.65 log (or 97% for those who prefer percentages) in 4 weeks! I am so happy that all this is doing something. It is a sacrifice but it's something I have to do. I want to see my children graduate and get married. No, scratch that, I WILL see my children graduate and get married!

So, it's been 2 weeks since I last published. Life has gotten in the way. Trying to work full time and taking care of a family while on this poison has proven quite difficult. Not physically difficult more like mentally difficult. There are too many uncertainties, too many questions, too many what ifs. I try no to think about the big WHAT IF? What if this fails? What if this is for nothing? Then one of my babies cries or smiles or does something inherently cute and I remember it's NOT for nothing. It's for them, if for nothing else, it's for them. My children need me. They are way too vulnerable and small right now to face the world without their mother. I need to be here physically. I need to be here mentally. I need to be here. There are too many things going on with them to let myself feel sorry about MY situation. I have to. I HAVE TO get out of this and I have to get cured, somehow. I may even start to pray as I need all the help I can get.
The current plan of action is to give this 12 full weeks. Then evaluate if its worth continuing. I will have 3 strikes before I'm out. At 4, 8 and 12 weeks I will get blood drawn to see how much if any of the virus is gone.This Friday I will get my first "important" blood test. See if I had made any progress eradicating the dragon.Not sure if they are looking for a specific number other than less than the original number. I really would love to be UND (undetected virus) but I am not holding out too much hope yet. I would love to have had a good, measurable drop. So, I'll take the number 10,000 as a viral load. That's what I'm shooting for in my mind.
So anyone who reads this, please pray, chant, meditate whatever you do to make it so I will be rid of this dragon. I need all the help I can get.
I won't know the result of said blood tests until August 12th, then I'll know what kind of progress we're making... I will definitely keep you posted!